Siting in a room of deafening silence, feeling the clock tick over, in an atmosphere that is stagnating, we ponder the realities that envelope us. While we are guilty of letting personal fault deepen, we find ourselves persistently analysing faults and cracks in the society that surrounds us. where ignorance and intolerance prevail causing a collapse of social norms and selflessness.

We dream of a life more than what is, we expect more from others than we know they can give, to have held onto ideals that at times, seem irrelevant in the mechanisms our society is building for itself. To pursue the idea of a present day nirvana, striving for a more deeper understanding than what we possess. Where elation is found in the pages of books, the warmth of her body, an endless imagination and a life of exploration and discovery; can we allow society to poison the foundation of these dreams?

If one was to sit in this silence, and weigh up the life we want and the ideals to live it by, against the normality of society, one statement holds true; we are all mad.

A darkness fills the room, and emptiness is created like no other. I sit still, drink in hand. Silence surrounds and flows through the air, it becomes so thick words fail to pass through it. The world sits still, for a time a tranquility is created in the depths of absolute emptiness. I find solitude in this darkness, it understands me as I understand it. For a moment in this detachment I can see everything, all that has passed, all that is now, everything that could be. It is in this moment that I distinguish between fact and fiction, forming realizations over the ideals of life. As time ticks over the true emotions are actualized. Everything falls into place, yet the silence remains. We are lost in this moment, falling through thought with no end in sight. Yet we know once the silence rolls out, when the light returns, when the moment fades away, something must change.

There comes a point where we rethink our lives, our dreams, our desires and the path of our fate. We accomplish the ideals we set out for ourselves so long ago, and now with a mind so open, we are free to explore again. After living in a world so closed, so out of shape, we forget the fundamentals and feeling of authentic halcyon. To be able to open our senses and our mind, to feel freedom and a relaxation long lost is to be ourselves.

In the mix of a darkness that had entwined our lives, the struggles we fought, the ideas and beliefs we held, there is always a singular event that catches our soul by surprise.
We create rules, images and falsehoods to protect ourselves, measures of survival, we are running from a fleeting idea; an idea that turns out to generated by fear.
The day we take risks against our survival instincts, ignoring fear and pursuing happiness is the day we surprise ourselves, become ourselves, and save ourselves from decadence.
It is at this brink that not only do we prevail, but we understand how true every emotion, thought and belief is.

Opinion and beliefs are all a product of perception, shaped and moulded on individual agendas, desires and ideals. This perceived insight acts as a proxy between the real world and the domain we choose to exist in. This multiplicity in comprehension causes friction and conflict between identities. Where an external party’s endeavor to influence the perception of others generates doubt and fear in one’s own ability to recognize the dimensions of existence around us. This leads to one simple question: Why am I questioning myself? When no one is more apt in understanding our own existence than ourselves. While if the supreme perception fails to coincide, than it is safe to assume one is suffering delusions of grandeur. Until that moment comes we can do nothing more than trust our intuition, and trust that our instincts and existence have not led us astray. While we travel through this life, if we ever let others alter our perceptions by inducing fear and doubt we are giving away part of ourselves that once lost, can never be truly balanced. For as long as there is an actuality there will always be an anomaly and difference between the opinions and beliefs that separate the self and the aggregation. It is in this difference that we must trust.

There are few things that scare us within this world. We acknowledge these triggers and why they instigate the need and reaction to fade away. We design methods for handling and manipulating these emotions and reactions, to minimise the effect and to control ourselves in times of chaos. However it is only at times when we least expect to find it, that fear creeps upon us. The excessive fear is drawn out of our feelings for those we care about in our lives; those that hold meaning. Our usual processes fail in every way, we almost begin to drown in it, struggling to find resolve. Hunter S. Thompson once said you should never turn your back on fear, it should always be in front of you, like something that might have to be killed. While the point is clear and regardless of the intoxicating fear, we must contain it and force it into awareness. Fear is an uncertainty in the unknown, it is a basic survival trait in all living souls and because of this, fear can be disregarded. The day we let fear channel our decisions we become lost to ourselves. In times of absolute fear, we must find a strength beyond conscious thought, otherwise we are nothing more than slaves to the uncertain. Fleeing from existence itself…

Sometimes we believe we have ourselves worked out. With a decent understanding of our thoughts and beliefs, our ideals and motives; we live our lives the way we do. Whether it could be by some distinct cosmic interference, a mystical force of nature or pure coincidence; we find ourselves facing an unexpected and intense moment. The effect it has on us we could not predict, yet fathom. It creates an inverse reaction to our usual process. It’s entangling, enthralling and intoxicating. When we pause we create a confusion within our beliefs, producing a fear and uncertainty that questions events passed. The human instinct is never wrong, it’s designed to keep us alive and we must trust it over all fears. While our instincts feed us one idea, often our head and heart fail to agree. This conflict is caused by past events and ideals present. While we face circumstances which may challenge ideals held since times existence, we must remember our instinct and trust the way we feel at hand.

While in the corner of existence we try to understand our defiance. The defiance that stops us from turning into the darkness that we see everyday. The darkness that surrounds so many in our lives. The corruption that creates the darkness is so easily followed, so easily created; and while we no longer fear it, we float just on its edges. Only to never graps at it. The taste of this corruption forever lingers on our soul, as a stain that can never be removed, but only looked upon with remorse. While we acknowledge the darkness that envelopes so many, we can only look forward into what can be described as against the grain. Whilst moving against the grain, all we can do is hold true and remember the stains on our soul, and the reasoning for this clear vision.

For all the worth, for all the meaning, we find ourselves looking for something to mask any void we consider our existence has. Chaos ensure that any step taken without fault is balanced through corruption. Collective consciousness forms when parallels between chaos and corruption are desired, when the human instinct of self-destruction prevails without question. With the desire for chaos surrounding every action and reaction, risks are taken, attitudes are darkened and morals are lost. Falling into anarchy we can only watch on until we chose to step out of the collective, to move against the grain.

We drift ever so slowly through this life, feeling, creating, expiring. Drawing upon every notion of experience, learning from every ounce of action and reaction, sensing perfection: but why? to simply become better or to displace anathema within our soul? This drive provides an enigma in social existence for it only seeks the correction and amplification of learning through animosity towards our own faults. Finding ourselves between two worlds; the plane of existence and the depth of reality that entwines the corruption and energy of existence itself. Striving to achieve fulfillment of our soul, we attempt to bridge the gap between existence and the energies that fill our anima: more so often does it become compensation rather than perfection.